In which V. is the last to know about a nonsensical internet trend.

Yeah, so, this morning I only just learned about YTMND. I've been cracking up over it for the better part of an hour. But then again, I have a low threshold for being amused. These are completely random and require your sound to be on. I couldn't get them to work in firefox, something about embedded sound files. But yeah... I was hella amused. These are random as hell. Some good ones:

Die Motherfuckers
Lock The Taskbar

and, if you have already read the new Harry Potter, or if you really don't care having the ending spoiled... this is great.

I probably need serious help.

You can transmit your blog into space. I am not sending my blog into space, this is ALL YOU.

Alternatively, you can send a one-off message into space. I wonder how many dumbass kids have sent "UR l33t 5PAC3 R0X0RS!!!111one11!" out there. Probably about three million.

Inspired by a comment from Eli, I have utilized my superior photoshop skills in order to create something so awesome that it could possibly cause your eyeballs to explode. Behold:


Scientific measurements indicate that this photograph contains approximately 93.6% of the world's collective awesomeness. View with caution.

In which a couple of kickass things are going on.

Firstly, I should like to direct you to Episode 6 of Salad Fingers, in which Hubert Cumberdale is as awesome as ever, and Jeremy Fisher meets a Somewhat Bad End. I do so love Salad Fingers.

Secondly, the trailer for V For Vendetta is available online. After seeing it, I must admit having fewer reservations as to the quality of the film. Comics adaptations are always tricky business, but really, this does look completely frigging AWESOME. This will frustrate my friend Badcandle as he doesn't have sound on his computer, and I am quite certain he'll be very interested in this. Haha.

In which V. is appalled, just bloody appalled.

I've always kind of been impressed with stuff like Extreme Makeover, where a TV network pours a shitload of time and energy and money into making life better for deserving people. But apparently things aren't always what they seem. Read on: Family Suing Reality TV Show Over Repairs (Chicago Daily Herald)

Presumably, amongst other things, the Fox people completely demolished some stuff the family had built, installed some stuff that actually made life harder for their recently paralyzed son, and generally seemed to be most interested in making everything look nice for TV.

In my book, that's a really shitty thing to do to a family that's been through hell and can't even afford therapy for their handicapped kid. Fox are ASSHOLES! Assholes, I say! At times like these, I have to wonder what Hollywood Film Legend Omar Sharif would have to say to the people behind this farce...



Hmm. Looks like Hollywood Film Legend Omar Sharif says "fuck you". Well played, Omar Sharif. Well played.

In which V. presents a photograph which is understood to contain 73% of the world's collective awesomeness.


I defy you to be more awesome than this. You cannot do it. It is not possible.

In which one of these things is not the same.


I'm sure there's a joke begging to be made here, but I'll leave all that to y'all.

This week's baddie is Gage Creed, the evil baby from Pet Sematary.

Sometimes, dead is better. Seriously, y'all. Better.

Hey, did y'all ever see that Norm Macdonald movie, Dirty Work? There's a scene in there where Norm Macdonald gets some girls to dress like hookers and play dead in the trunks of cars for sale on some guy's car lot, and then Norm Macdonald tries to expose the whole debacle. And he delivers one of the awesomest lines in B-comedy history:

"Hey pal, I know a dead whore when I see one."

Well, so do I. And here she is. Not the attractive kind of whore, but the sleazy, street-wise, kind of used-up-looking whore. If I had to guess, I'd say "dead whore" is probably not the vibe the creator of this was going for, but dude. There's no denying. That right there is a dead whore.

This is probably really sick of me, but I found it fun. You can control her a bit by clicking and dragging. I rather enjoyed shaking her vigorously, as her floppy limbs went all akimbo. It was soothing, in a zen-like stress relief kind of way.

Run along and play with the creepy dead lady, kids. Enjoy yourselves.

In which V. has been messaged at random by a Most Peculiar Individual.

This mind-boggling exchange occured sometime around 3:00 this afternoon in Yahoo chat. This guy was a one-man freakshow. I sort of wonder if he was trying to put a curse on me towards the end.

I've omitted my own screen name, cos I don't know how many crazies might be reading this, and believe me, I already get more than enough crazies sending me instant messages (see below). But I've left the freakshow's name intact, cos I figure he deserves whatever's coming to him.

can_orkun: hello

Me: Hello...

can_orkun: ?n here ? am from türkey

Me: Okay...

can_orkun: IN HERE

Me: I see.

can_orkun: ON YOU, GLASS, THERE,
can_orkun: BUZZ! (note: this makes the IM window shake about, and also emits a really obnoxious buzzer sound)

Me: Um... okay. Sure.

can_orkun: ok
can_orkun: you get angrry
can_orkun: BUZZ!

Me: I'm not angry at all...

can_orkun: you
can_orkun: BUZZ!

Me: What?

can_orkun: you

Me: What about me?

can_orkun: I, YOU, GLASS,

Me: Hey, I'm all for it. Bring it on.

can_orkun: what

Me: Glass.
Me: I, you. Etc.

can_orkun: ok

Me: Well? What are you waiting for?

can_orkun: OH! , I WANT TO SEE YOU
can_orkun: BUZZ!

Me: Oh. You should have said so.

can_orkun: no
can_orkun: ü

Me: Well, either way, you can't see me.

can_orkun: I ONLY WANT TO SEE YOU

Me: No.

can_orkun: ok
can_orkun: I ONLY WANT TO SEE YOU

Me: And I said no.

can_orkun: LEASE ,WHAT DO BECOME P

Me: What?

can_orkun: H! ,OH!, I, ONLY, YOU, SEE, WANT, BECOME,
can_orkun: BUZZ!

Me: You poor sod.

can_orkun: YOU, ME,

Me: GLASS. I know.

can_orkun: no
can_orkun: MY, *ANTALYADA, HOTEL, THERE, YOU, THERE, COME,
can_orkun: ok

Me: You want me to come to your hotel?

can_orkun: ok

Me: Dude, that is soooo not going to happen.

can_orkun: ok
can_orkun: AND YOU COME , I AM PLEASED

Me: You poor deluded sod.

can_orkun: no
can_orkun: wati
can_orkun: you get nagrry

Me: I'm not nagrry. Really.
Me: I promise.

can_orkun: ok
can_orkun: ARE YOU MALE

Me: No.

can_orkun: you get angrry

Me: I'm not angry at all, really. I don't know why you think I am.

can_orkun: OH! ,OH!, I, YOU, *D?YOMK?, YOU, GET angrry
can_orkun: BUZZ!

Me: Are you trying to make me angry? Because I really don't get it.

can_orkun: no
can_orkun: YOU, GLASS, *ACARMISIN,

Me: I honestly have no idea what you mean.

can_orkun: OH! ,OH!, YOU, GLASS, *ACSANA,

Me: Right...

can_orkun: LOOK AT ITSELF GOOD
can_orkun: byü
can_orkun: gut by

Me: Ooo...kay.

can_orkun: ok
can_orkun: by

Me: Okay...

can_orkun: ok

Kids these days. I just don't know.

At the request of Eli, I share with you awesome breakdancing Transformers. Cos face it, breakdancing is AWESOME, and Transformers are also AWESOME, and together they can only be TWICE AS AWESOME.

Y'all remember Monchichi? The cuddly toy monkey dolls from the 80s? I think there was also a Saturday morning cartoon. The cuddly toy monkey dolls wore clothes, I think that was their whole selling point: look, monkeys that you can dress up in themed outfits! I had some of that crap.

Anyway, Super Best Friend and general partner in crime M recently brought the following site to my attention. He didn't remember Monchichi, and wouldn't believe me when I told him we used to dress ugly monkey dolls up in clothes. So he Googled it, and this is the result:

Monchichi condoms. Yes, condoms. Rudely mocked for your entertainment pleasure.

In which V. has been shoe shopping.

So yeah. Shoe shopping. I've kind of been in desperate need of low-top Chuck Taylors. They're the staple of my wardrobe, really. I have high tops (2 pair) and a pair of those awesome killer knee-high combat boot style ones (AWESOME!). I suspect that all of this might make me Emo, but I totally don't understand the kids these days. But my low tops wore out, and I've had a bitch of a time finding some new ones.

Mainly cos I'm always looking for a bargain. So I bought some off e-bay, and whoever had them first washed them (fine) and threw them in the dryer (not fine). So they shrank a bit and the tongue was about half as long as it should have been, and the insoles were a bit shriveled up. And did they mention this in the item description? Of course not.

So. Low top Chucks have become a priority.

I was looking around for some decent ones at the mall today and not having much luck. High tops seem to be all the rage lately. Which is cool, I'm down with high tops. I just don't need any more at the moment. I did find a pair of low top Chucks at Foot Locker for $20 (bargain!) but they were bright orange. Like, traffic cone orange. I just wasn't feeling it.

Then I came across this shop I'd never seen before. It was called Station. And being the colossal dork that I am, I immediately think:


STATION!!!

So yeah. Station (STATION!!!) came through for me. Got some cute low top Chucks that are chocolate brown with a pink tongue. Too cute. And yet also badass. Bad. Ass. And since they're from Station (STATION!!!), I should be pretty set in the event anyone tries to create an Evil Robot V.

This week's baddie is Jame Gumb.

It puts the lotion on its skin, or else it gets the hose again.

In which V. gets uncharacteristically political for a moment.

It just fucking sucks.

I read something in Preacher recently that kind of stuck with me. In Preacher, this group of religious loonies is trying to mastermind the apocalypse and generate a culture of fear, so that they can more easily control and manipulate mankind. Anyway, one of them says something along the lines of "make sure that the 90s are a decade of hope. Make sure there's peace, make sure the Berlin Wall falls."

When I was a teenager, I really felt lucky to be living in such amazing times. It seemed like society was changing for the better. It seemed like peace was possible. Human rights were possible.

Life imitates art, I guess. Preacher ended before our current state of unjust war and vengeance. But one thing kind of rings eerily true: the 90s were a decade of hope, and just the memory of what the world could be like is enough to make all of the present bullshit seem even worse. We have our culture of fear. We have our torture and abuse and lies and carnage. We have a nation of idiots who are all too happy to sacrifice personal liberty for the illusion of safety.

And safety IS an illusion. Because I'll tell you something else we have: we have evil. And it's not like in the movies, where the good guys fight the evil, and everything is okay in the end, like when Superman fought Nuclear Man in Quest For Peace. Nope. What we have is evil fighting evil. There are no good guys any more.

On that note, I do still hope for change. I hope for the return of common sense, and intelligence, and responsible thinking. I hope, naive as I may be, for global unity and community and an end to famine and disease and poverty. And I hope for peace and closure for the survivors of today's London bombings, something that hit uncomfortably close to home for me. Thankfully my friends and loved ones in the UK are all healthy and accounted for, but there are hundreds of people out there tonight who weren't so lucky. The world fucking sucks.

So tonight I was looking at Demon Busters. Eli and I stumbled across this site years ago, and it's always stuck in my mind because of its insistence that demons strongly dislike hearing midi files of "Oh The Blood Of Jesus". Also, if YOU are annoyed by the midi file, you are probably a demon yourself.

Anyway, the midi file came up in conversation and I decided to see if the old site was still around. It is. And it is very informative. And alarmist. And generally full of shit holiness.

So. Friends, tonight I share with you a list of things that are certainly demonic, homes for demons, things that attract demons, and/or things that will cause you to be possessed by demons yourself. I share this knowledge with you because it's just begging to be mocked I fear for your mortal souls.

Things that will make you have all kinds of demons all up in yourself

Fruitopia
Laser Tag
Lawry's Season Salt
Pokemon (I knew it!!)
Paisley
Ceramic Geese
Nikes
Flamingoes
Wedding Rings
Paper Towels (that's Kitchen Roll for the Brits)
Using The Telephone
Postage Stamps That Have Pictures Of Squids On Them (!?)
Teenagers (obvious)
Captain Ahab
Rainbows
Hairy Armpits On Girls
Having Friends
Drinking The Blood Of Animals (generally not a good idea anyway...)
Barking Like A Dog
Smurfs
Pickled Remains Of Unborn Babies (as if...)
Karate
Rubik's Cubes
Disco Lights

It should be noted that I myself am probably a demon, because I think these people are 100% batshit crazy. Fun times.

Look! Keytars!

In light of last night's premiere episode of Being Bobby Brown, this week's baddie is Whitney Houston.



Don't try to take her photo. Hell to the no!