Wednesday, May 28, 2008
Fun with instant messaging
In which V. encounters The Man Himself in Yahoo Religion Chat. Visual aids presented for your enjoyment.

Before we begin, note that I've removed my Yahoo screen name from the following transcript and replaced it with "me". I've left my victim's name intact. Enjoy.

williamcosby02: Hello.

Me: Hello.

williamcosby02: how are you?

Me: I'm okay.

williamcosby02: gr8
williamcosby02: i am william cosby by name
williamcosby02: n u?

Me: Seriously?
Me: You're Bill Cosby?
Me: That's awesome.

williamcosby02: how do you mean?

Me: Never mind.

williamcosby02: so may i know your name pls?
williamcosby02: and your asl?

Me: Oh, just call me (screen name).

williamcosby02: if you dont mind

Me: So what's your favorite kind of pudding?

williamcosby02: i am from the uk
williamcosby02: are you married?

Me: No, I'm not.
Me: About the pudding, though.
Me: Do you get it for free? Or at a discount?
Me: Or do you even like pudding at all?

williamcosby02: no i dont
williamcosby02: are you married (screen name)?

Me: I already told you, no I'm not.

williamcosby02: k
williamcosby02: can you see any pic on display?

Me: What, you mean like Picture Pages?

williamcosby02: yeah
williamcosby02: aren't you seein any photo?

Me: I used to watch Picture Pages all the time when I was a kid.
Me: You had that pen that played music.

williamcosby02: yeah i did

Me: I can't believe you don't like pudding, though.
Me: It's like, my whole world view is shattered.

williamcosby02: sorry i must tell you the truth
williamcosby02: but i donno wat cha mean by pudding?

Me: You aren't Bill Cosby, are you.

williamcosby02: is it a game?
williamcosby02: or wat?
williamcosby02: not at all

Me: Maybe you ARE Bill Cosby but you have amnesia.

williamcosby02: i am william cosby

Me: Or you've blocked out the memories of all those years of selling pudding.
Me: Like a bad dream. It never happened.
Me: Not to YOU.

williamcosby02: ok

Me: So what was it like being on television?

williamcosby02: it all dipend?
williamcosby02: though its fun anyway

Me: You wore all those sweaters. Back in the day.
Me: Or have you blocked that out too?

williamcosby02: sure i did
williamcosby02: n still do
williamcosby02: stuffs like turtle neck no so on

Me: Brilliant.
Me: Hey, weren't you in a movie?
Me: Leonard Part 6? Was that it?

williamcosby02: oh!
williamcosby02: not at allllllll

Me: Yeah, I don't blame you. I'd deny it too.

williamcosby02: i have never fitured in a movie

Me: That movie was awful.
Me: No worries, mate. I'll play along.
Me: I understand now. You call yourself William to make it easier to pretend these things never happened.
Me: Bill Cosby is dead to you now.

williamcosby02: but thats my name

Me: I know, you have some inner conflict.
Me: You are Bill Cosby, and yet you hate Bill Cosby.
Me: That's got to be tough.

williamcosby02: you so funny
williamcosby02: wat do you do?

Me: Me? Oh, I'm insignificant compared to the likes of you.

williamcosby02: really?

Me: Now now, don't be so modest, Bill.

williamcosby02: you still call me bill?
williamcosby02: am will

Me: Oh! I'm so sorry.

williamcosby02: n not bill
williamcosby02: ok?

Me: You're right. Bill is dead to us both. I respect your pain.
Me: William Cosby it is.

williamcosby02: yeah

Wednesday, May 14, 2008
Separated at birth?!
In which I just call it like I see it, yo.

First, observe the legendary Tom Waits.

Now, have a gander at 14th President of the United States, Franklin Pierce.

I'm just sayin'.
Saturday, May 10, 2008
Southland Tales
In which V. is impressed by an exceptional film, but suspects that few others will enjoy it.

Holy crap, y'all. I don't know where to start. As much as I'd love to rave on and on about how amazing this movie was, I think you're all just going to have to watch it for yourselves. Here's the rundown:

Southland Tales was written and directed by Richard Kelly, the fellow who wrote and directed another phenomenal film you may have heard of called Donnie Darko. They're similar in the sense that they're both very nihilistic, but they're very different stories.

Also: Southland Tales is approaching three hours long. I had to watch it over two days, but this is only because I didn't have a solid three hour block of time to devote to it. I usually don't have a lot of patience for films once they break the two hour barrier, but this was such a compelling story that it could have been twice as long and I'd still have been hooked.

I would like to summarize the basic plot, but there is nothing basic about it. Umm... in 2005, Texas is the target of a nuclear attack. As a result, WW3 starts. Americans have very few civil liberties (think of the Patriot Act multiplied by 1000). A mysterious scientist and his bizarre family present an alternative fuel source that harnesses the perpetual motion of the sea and transmits energy telepathically to machines. A film star loses his memory, writes a screenplay, and becomes involved in a plot spearheaded by neo-marxists and a porn actress. And that's just the tip of the iceberg.

When I started watching this film, I thought maybe it was going to be hard to follow, but it wasn't that way at all. The plot flows naturally and incorporates two dozen or so characters without losing its way. There is mystery, comedy, and action. Production values are through the roof - Southland Tales is visually stunning. Lots of good music as well, but that's no surprise if you've seen Donnie Darko.

I don't really know what else I can say about it. It pretty much defies description or explanation. But something about it really resonated with me, and I absolutely loved it. Ten out of ten stars. Two enthusiastic thumbs up. That said, I don't think it's accessible enough for the average viewer. This is three hours' worth of complicated sci-fi mystery. You have to be able to fully let go of your expectations and just roll with the story.

In the interest of full disclosure, I should point out that I am a rabid (and I do mean rabid fan of an obscure film called Until the End of the World. I have tried to make pretty much everyone I know watch Until the End of the World, with little success. Most people hate it, except for me. It also approaches three hours long (there is also a 3 1/2 hour version, as well as a five hour version, both of which I have seen and know better than try to present to anyone else). My point being, Until the End of the World and Southland Tales are very similar. So it's possible that I'm just inclined to like This Type Of Story.

Anyway. I feel like I failed miserably at this review, as this film was a particularly difficult one to write about. I hope some of you are inspired to give it a try.
Friday, May 09, 2008
Have a great weekend
I've seen a couple of terrific films this week and hopefully will find the time to review them soon. Meanwhile, here's this.

Monday, May 05, 2008
A musical interlude
In which V. still doesn't have anything much to talk about.

Hopefully I'll come up with something interesting to say soon. I've seen some films that I could probably review, but honestly, I'm just not motivated lately.

Meanwhile, enjoy one of my top favorite songs of all time. This song is one of the key reasons I'd like to learn to play guitar. Seriously, how come when you ask people who the greatest guitarists of all time are, everyone mentions The Edge or Hendrix, but nobody brings up Johnny Marr? It's because only like 0.03% of the population know who he is. Friends, I tell you today that Johnny Marr is a guitar genius. There's this urban legend that he used three effects pedals to get the reverb effect that makes this song rock. That's one more pedal than he had feet, so I'm guessing it's not true. Also, if had three feet Morrissey would have written a song called something like "Your Third Foot Makes The Whole World Bitter." You know I'm right.

Actually I think I read somewhere that the reverb thing is a trick of using feedback to make a series of amps vibrate in time with each other, or some convoluted thing like that. Supposedly it's impossible to recreate live. People have tried, but it's just never as good.

Here I am rambling, and I thought I didn't have anything to say. That's what happens when you get me started on a topic that I'm kind of a geek about. Anyway, listen to some Smiths. I hope you enjoy it. Pay close attention to that reverb, it's a true musical work of art.