Tuesday, June 03, 2008
Input is prohibited!
In which V. has been meaning to blog this for a while now.

So a couple of months ago, I stumbled across this blog called Woman's Passions. I can't remember how I found it any more, no doubt I was looking for something fashion or makeup related (I am a girl, after all). It's a spectacular blog. Just spectacular. I'm still trying to figure it out.

The author is part of a foreign culture, that much is clear. I have yet to determine which culture, or who her target audience seems to be. It's safe to say that English is not her first language. I'm not actually convinced she knows English at all. Her writing style suggests someone who knows the basic concepts of English grammar and sentence structure, and who is also armed with a 100 year old thesaurus.

Either that, or she writes in her native language and runs everything through a translator program. You will soon see what I'm talking about.

I've got plans to keep y'all updated on the highlights of Woman's Passions, but for right now let's talk about her most recent post: 15 ways to tell a man you are not interested in him. As E. points out, some of these would actually be pretty clever if they weren't incoherent. You'll have to click on that link for the full glory of it all, but here are a couple of highlights:

1. He: Haven’t we met before?
She: Probably, I work at venereal disease dispensary’s registry.

See? That's kind of clever. Awkwardly worded, but clever. The next time some skeezy person hits on you, just tell them you work at the herpes clinic. Good strategy.

6. He: I’d like to call you. What’s your number?
She: It’s in the telephone book.
He: But I even do not know your name!
She: It is also in the directory.

See, this is where she starts to go downhill. This makes sense on an abstract level - yes, my name and number are in the phone book, which is full of thousands of names and numbers, and you will never figure out which one is me. Realistically, I don't think you could tell a guy "yeah dude, my name is also in the phone book" and have him say "oh no! I have been cock blocked!" No.

8. He: What’s your sign?
She: Input is prohibited.

Does anyone actually still use this as a pick-up line? Never mind the strangely-worded answer...

10. He: Well, here you are! Do not hide, you are in this club for the same reason, as I…
She: Really? Hooking?

I'm not even gonna touch this one. It snarks on itself

11. He: I’m here to embody your most courageous imaginations!
She: You want to tell you have a goat and a German shepherd?

What the?

So yeah. Woman's Passions. Read it, love it, live it.