Friday, April 04, 2008
I have killed you all
In which V has taken several of her friends on a covered-wagon journey against their will.

Yesterday I happily discovered that one can play Oregon Trail online, if one is so inclined. V is of course so inclined. I needed four people to join my party, so I recruited friends and readers E, K, L, and M. I did my best to take care of you. I kept the pace at steady and the rations on filling. I promise.

I should stop here and explain that when I played this in junior high school, I would put people I didn't like in my party, set the pace to "grueling" and rations to "low", and laugh with glee as they died horrible deaths.

But I didn't do that to you guys. Honest! I fed you and bought you extra clothes! I paid for ferries and Indian guides! I did my level best to protect you from harm. But I failed miserably. I suppose it's only fair to let each of you know your fates.

E, you died of a fever. You hung in there for a while, though.

M, you broke your leg and then got dysentery.

K, you got a snakebite. And cholera. That's pretty harsh.

L, I am so so sorry. You had a broken arm, a broken leg, dysentery, AND typhoid. I never should have made you go pioneering at 8 1/2 months pregnant. I only had your best interests in mind, I swear.

If it makes y'all feel better, I died of cholera. None of us made it. EPIC FAIL. But you know, I get knocked down, but I get up again. Next time I'll be the wealthy banker and maybe we won't run out of food 1/3 of the way there.