Here are my top 2006 5’s!

I have to agree with V, I saw few films this year ‘worth their salt’. Here is my top 5 in no particular order…

The Descent
I cheated a little here, as it had a curiously delayed ‘general release’ in the US. One of the best horror films I’ve seen in years from the director of the great and inventive Dog Soldiers. Scary as hell way before the monsters even make an appearance, due to excellent photography, acting and scripting that made the already shit-scary ‘spelunking’ infinitely scarier.

Hostel
I’ve seen this on many ‘turkey’ lists, which I don’t understand at all. I’ve never seen a film that had such an extreme effects on audiences and generated so much discussion. One of the most disturbing and sadistic films I’ve ever seen in a cinema.

The Hills Have Eyes
In the current trend of ‘re-imagining’ classic horror films, this one went the way of ‘Dawn of the Dead’. While ultimately unnecessary it was damn grotesque and well made and worth a few dollars of anyone’s ‘walking around’ money..

Snakes on a Plane
I truly expected to hate this and went in to see it with that mindset, but came out loving it. It was utterly gratuitous silliness from start to finish and hugely enjoyable throughout. Give it a try, especially for a date movie – you’ll be glad you did!

Grudge 2 (the American not-really-a-remake-but-more-an-actual-re-imagining)
V. didn’t like this much, but I thought it was fair and had some pretty creepy imagery. Basically, Hollywood took everything creepy about the Grudge series and threw it at you non-stop for the duration of the film with little consideration to the plot. This resulted in plot holes but a lot of jump scenes and I swear V. jumped in her seat many times… Enough with the Grudge remakes now though. I’d not include this if the year had been so desolate…

3 WORST films – again, few films to choose from:

The Wicker Man
As a big fan of the original, I fully expected this to suck shit through a straw but it was even worse. Who the hell thought this was releasable on the general public? Utter shit, though still raises a laugh when discussed with V. "My legs"! Beekeepers!? Nic Cage punching women righteously in the face...

V for Vendetta
Not really a BAD film at all, just so disappointing compared the excellent graphic novel. Many silly and glaring plot inconsistencies and changes and a lost chance to portray how chillingly relevant this story written in the 1980s is to the present.

School for Scoundrels
Controversial, as I’ve not seen it. However, this is a modern MTV style ‘re-imagining’/rip off of my absolute favourite film ever – an extremely dated, surreal and wonderful British comedy from the 1960s. Why re-make a classic film whose major charm was the period and style in which it was made? Just use the plot and make a new film, morons, don’t tarnish the original!

Top films I WISH I’d seen but didn’t get to. If I was in V.’s town I’d be more inclined to go to the cinema alone, as they seem to have huge empty multiplexes. However, in Lowestoft there’s only one real (fleapit) cinema, the equivalent of her $2 show emporiums and every chav in town goes to every showing. So despite the “Hollywood” Cinema being about 50 feet from my home, all my cinema going this year was with V. This is by far the easiest and most extensive list!

Borat (etc.)
Sounds like the most awesome comedy film ever, can’t wait to get it on DVD in March. Also look forward to the Bruno film!

The Prestige
Sounds fantastic and I’d love to see it. Got more critically good reviews than audience figures and most people whose opinion I value say it’s great.

The Notorious Bettie Page
Bettie Page is/was a hottie – this doesn’t annoy V. as she’s far more of a hottie while looking a little like BP herself. I have ONE fridge magnet, which is Bettie Page that V. allows me to keep! :P I KEEP meaning to see this, I was gonna watch it with V. but she was put off by the black and white….

Perfume
Cheating again here as this is not out yet in the US but was shown here in the Xmas break. If V were here we’d definitely have gone to see it as it’s her favourite book and I thought it was brilliant and have to see what they’ve done with it.

Apocalypto
Despite Mel Gibson being a demented racist with a penchant for re-imagining history he makes great films and I’d really like to see this. It’s not actually out here yet so I’m cheating again..

Crank
OK, so Jason Statham (that bloke from Lock Stock, Snatch and Transporter) has been poisoned with something that makes him have to experience constant extreme adrenalin to survive (or something). Rather than go to hospital and get adrenaline shots he proceeds to kick ass while getting his adrenaline flowing. This sounds like a winning plot to me!