Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Worst. Website. Ever.
So, M is on Special Assignment in Scarborough this evening, and he sends word of what he seems to think is an intriguing amusement. He says there's a place called Terror Tower on the beach, and it promises tours of famous horror film sets.

Okay, this does sound interesting. When pressed for more detail, M describes it as a warehouse type building with garage doors. I don't know about y'all, but I'm thinking "tower" might be a misnomer.

So he tells me to Google "terror tower Scarborough", which I do. And ye gods.

First, the unsuspecting web surfer is greeted by numerous animated gifs, which were maybe fashionable circa 1998. They flash by pretty quickly, but there are a few aliens in there (the skinny big-eyed kind, not the cool Sigourney Weaver kind). There's a rather garish witch holding up the words TERROR TOWER. There's... um... what looks like Count Dracula holding up his own severed head, or maybe it's Frankenstein's head. And I think I saw Beethoven in there. I can't say. Oh, and a shitload of dinosaurs.

So once you get past that crap, you get one page with a broken image, and a list of what one can only assume are examples of the famous horror film sets you might expect to tour. But I can't think of any famous horror films which might include "bewitched graveyard" or "elevator to hell", so I'm guessing this is a colossal ripoff. But then, most beach attractions ARE colossal ripoffs.

Furthermore, their gift shop appears to carry Dracula-themed merchandise. And I mean, exclusively. Highlights: "Use a Dracula pencil as a Stake through the heart!" and "You could use a flap of Vampire skin for a bookmark...." Incidentally, their flap of vampire skin looks exactly like the bookmark M bought me from the Statue of Liberty gift shop. Be warned, America! Your souvenir bookmarks could be made of vampire skin! The consequences have yet to be seen!

Honestly, this website is way crappy. Especially considering it's the official site of what presents itself as an actual business, and not the website of some 12 year old kid on Geocities. Go see for yourselves: www.terrortower.com