In which V is gravely disappointed by the new Rob Zombie CD.

Memo to Mr. Zombie: the 1970s called. They want their shitty classic rock back.

Sigh. First, let it be known that I'm a big fan of Rob Zombie. In the past he's made some truly inspired music, and he's come up with two of the most innovative horror films I've seen in a long time. So I bought his new CD Educated Horses without having heard a single track, based on the logic that Rob Zombie could never possibly put out anything less than genius.

Wrong. So very wrong. Horribly wrong.

The first sign that you aren't getting the Rob Zombie you paid for would be the cover photo. Remember back in the day when Zombie looked like a zombie? Weird corpse makeup, that vaguely manson-esque cross on his forehead?


exhibit A

Well, the zombie look is completely gone, and he's resembling a dirty hippie.


exhibit B

Also: WTF does "educated horses" mean, anyway? That phrase shows up in the lyrics to a couple of songs on this album, and it just doesn't make any sense.

But I digress. I was talking about how this album is total ass. Rob Zombie sings on this one. He sings, melodically, and plays acoustic guitar. Sometimes there's sitar music in there. Considering that I thought I was getting an album full of hardcore elctro-rock with screaming angry vocals about murder/death/kill, well. It's ass. That's all I can say.

I've never been a fan of 70s hippie-glam-whatever music. Keep your Allman Brothers, keep your frigging Lynrd Skynrd or however you freaking spell Lynrd Skynrd anyway. I don't like it, I just don't like it. And yet, here is an album full of it, from Rob Zombie. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO YOU, SIR? This is more than a departure from his roots, this is like a musical lobotomy or something. Like, is Rob Zombie a pod person now? I don't know. I just don't know. And I don't like it.

He full-out rips off In A Gadda Da Vida (I probably spelled that wrong, too... I don't keep up with that kind of shitty music) in one track. I'm not sure which track, I was too disgusted by it at that point to keep up with which song I was actually listening to. Rob Zombie, you are better than that. You don't have to rip off Iron frigging Butterfly and change two notes in one of the world's most recognizeable shitty 70s riffs. You have talent, and skill. Rather, you DID have talent and skill. Is this what you have been reduced to?

I wonder what kind of response I'd get if I wrote to him and asked for my ten dollars back? Probably no response at all, but it's tempting. He's got another new release out, a double-CD set of his greatest hits dating all the way back to White Zombie. I should have bought that one instead.

I hate to say this, but maybe he should just get out of the music thing and focus his creative energy on doing films. I'm wondering if maybe he was just spread too thin with The Devil's Rejects to make a good album. Coincidentally, the Devil's Rejects theme song is the best track on the CD. Which is not saying much, because it still sounds like something you'd find on 8-Track at goodwill. Try harder, Rob Zombie! TRY HARDER, FFS!

In short: I did not like this. I did not like this much at all, really, and I don't think that repeated listening is going to make it grow on me. And this is sad. I can't recommend this to anyone in good faith. Maybe get it as a gift for a friend that you don't like (because I think we all have 'friends' that we don't really like, eh?). Or get it if you actually like shitty 70s music. But don't get it if you're hoping for a Rob Zombie album.