Thursday, August 25, 2005
Five things I totally heart about Vikings
1. General Hearty Robustness
Hearty Robustness is a trait that few can claim. Ninjas? Sure, they're cool and all. But hearty and robust? Not so much. Robots? Ditto. Note: some pirates may be hearty and robust, but Johnny Depp did not play one of them.

2. Totally awesome mythology

Why doesn't this stuff get as much mainstream attention as the Greek and Roman stuff? Giant wolves! Thor! Ragnarok! This stuff is just fascinating. Also, Ragnarok is fun to say. And it's awesome... dead people sail back to kick the asses of the living. Read more about it here.

3. Use of pure brute strength

Yet another area where Vikings trump ninjas, etc. Vikings are not all that stealthy. They don't have super-advanced technology. But they do have ginormous axes and hammers, and when they come running at you with their ginormous bladed weapons, you'd better get out of the way. It takes a lot of muscle to lift that stuff, and you just know they're gonna swing hard.

4. Cool Boats
I must admit, pirate ships are pretty cool. I'm a fan of pirate ships. But really they have nothing on a good Viking longboat with some scary carved monster on the front. And they rowed, dudes. Pirates didn't row.

5. Vikings cannot be defeated
I have performed a study of Vikings versus a variety of well-matched opponents. It is my assertion that in the following matches:

Vikings vs Ninjas
Vikings vs Monkeys
Vikings vs Superman
Vikings vs Zombies
Vikings vs Australian Rules Football, Any Team
Vikings vs Rasputin

Vikings will win every time.

So there you have it. Presented with this evidence, none amongst you can now deny the ultimate awesomeness of Vikings.