Thursday, June 02, 2005
Blade Trinity
In which much asskicking occurs. Hell yeah.

The great thing about contemporary vampire films is, even when they suck they're basically guaranteed to contain two elements which I personally dig very much. One, industrial techno music, and two, goths. Blade Trinity delivers heavily on those two things, as well as a few other elements which V. personally finds pleasing. Let's review:

Things About Blade Trinity Which V Personally Found Pleasing

1. Industrial Techno Music

All over the soundtrack. Crystal Method, Overseer, I think there was some Fluke in there. This is the kind of stuff I listen to at the gym, it makes you want to kick ass. Thus, it's a nice soundtrack for watching other people kick ass.

2. Goths
Goths are cool. Codename V is often accused of being a goth, despite wearing rather a lot of bright colors. Being fond of black eyeliner, combat boots, and skulls probably contributes a lot to this. At any rate, I relate to goths, and thus like seeing them in films. So there.

Parker Posey is in this as kind of a supergoth vampire dominatrix queen. I don't like Parker Posey. Also, she's ugly. Especially in this film. Very ugly.

3. Girls in leather trousers who know kickboxing and are skilled at using sophisticated weapons
Codename V likes these kinds of characters, because in Codename V's own internal dialogue, she is wearing leather trousers and kicking a lot of ass in a very advanced and militant kind of way. Codename V wants to be Lara Croft when she grows up.

Jessica Biel is in this film, and she kicks mucho ass. And she does it fashionably. I respect that. Kudos to you, Jessica Biel! You are making up for the crimes against good taste perpetrated by Seventh Heaven.

4. Motorcycles

Motorcycles are awesome, and fun to ride. There are some really cool motorcycles in Blade Trinity. Jessica Biel rides a nice blue one, whilst wearing her leather trousers and carrying sophisticated weapons. Codename V has now added "sweet blue motorbike" to her internal dialogue.

5. The shirtless axe murderer from the Amityville Horror remake

Ryan Reynolds. Yes. He was in this film, and shirtless for a good bit of it. Let's re-visit the shirtless axe murderer.
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This element pleases Codename V.

Overall, I'd say this was an excellent film. It's not Shakespeare, obviously. Total lowbrow fun of the asskicking-and-explosions variety. Two enthusiastic thumbs up. I could probably find a lot more to say about it, but I have this tradition of watching 90210 reruns every evening with my cat, it's our bonding time (true statement, I am not making this up). And the West Beverley gang are all set to start in about ten minutes, so...