Tuesday, March 01, 2005
Codename V. Hates On John Mayer
So: John Mayer. He's been around for a while now, polluting the airwaves with his Sensitive Crybaby Music, and he's always pissed me right off. He can't sing. He is a poor songwriter. But I think maybe his worst crime is just plain being a pussy.

In order to give this theory a bit of academic validation, I present the following evidence: The Online Slang Dictionary (which seems to be affiliated with Berkeley, hence "academic"), defines pussy as "1. the vagina. 2. a physically weak person; WIMP. ("He is such a pussy.")"

With this definition in mind, let us take a good close look at the subject in question:

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Yes, I believe that is a pussy.

Anyway, the source of my venom towards John Mayer is that apparently he won a grammy for some song called "Daughters". This song is now on constant perma-rotation on every radio station within broadcast range of me. The lyrics are incredibly condescending towards women, and make me want to pull out all my own teeth one by one. Let's take a look:

The chorus:
Fathers be good to your daughters;
Daughters will love like you do, yeah.
Girls become lovers who turn into mothers,
So mothers be good to your daughters, too.

Thanks, John Mayer, for reinforcing the social dogma of childrearing. Put those of us who choose to be (and enjoy being) child-free into a nice little box and shove us under the bed, because girls who don't "turn into mothers" are hopeless wastes of everyone's time.

I realize I am probably reading too much into this. I am fairly confident that John Mayer lacks the mental skills to put together any sort of misogynist manifesto and set it to music. Rather, I suspect he had some kind of traditional (read: conservative and religious) upbringing which imprinted archaic community values on his poor feeble mind. Alternatively, maybe he just writes down whatever words he thinks are pretty, and sets them to "music". Who knows.

For further analysis, I give you the bridge:
On behalf of every man, looking out for every girl,
You are the god, and the weight of her world.
On behalf of every man who's looking out for every girl,
You are the god, and the weight of her world.

The hell?!? Forgive me for possibly being alarmist and maybe even a bit of a militant feminist (something I am totally not, trust me)... but...

It seems to me that John Pussy Mayer has essentially written a song about how men are gods, and women are the weaker breeding sex who need men to take care of them... and HE WON AN AWARD FOR IT. This pisses me off. Really.

Again, maybe I'm reading too much into this. But looking at the lyrics, I can't see any other way to interpret this burst of auditory shit.